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gooseyfyc
I like Obama. I like when he talks, I like his politics, I like his family. I like that history was made today, even though I wish him being the first Black president wasn't such a big deal. I wish that it didn't need to even be mentioned, except in the demographics of the presidents, along with which ones were over 6 ft tall or something. But we're on our way. I really like the feeling of being proud of being American. That I agree with what is being said by the leader of my country. I can't say that I've really ever felt that way before; I was 9 when George W. Bush was inaugurated, so I remember when Clinton was president, but I didn't know anything about his politics or anything. I'm pretty sure the 2000 election was when I asked my aunt what the difference between Democrats and Republicans was, and she told me biasedly enough that I didn't understand why anyone would want to be a Republican.

Today was a good day, despite, and maybe partially because of the fact that we actually did work in all of my classes, yet still got to see all of the inauguration during Band/Lunch. I protested actually doing stuff, but it feels good to come home having accomplished something. Mrs. Olds liked my letter draft, so I'm going to type it up and go forward with it. It turns out sending a 25 lb. package to Burkina Faso will be like $900, so we're going to have to rethink that, but it might end up being even better.

I talked to Mrs. Baldwin today, in the first time in a while, which was good, though I felt guilty because she was overstressed, even though she always is. But she's going to be a camp rec, so that's cool.

Bad event of the day: I was trying to drive away from Rite Aid, after realizing that I didn't have any money with me, so I couldn't buy chapstick, and the key wouldn't turn in the ignition. I freaked out, and couldn't get in contact with my parents so I sat there for a while, and then called my sister who told me that the wheel was locked and that I should shake the wheel and it would work. And it did, so it was all good, except it turned out she was out to dinner with her boss and co-workers, so I felt bad.

Current Mood: cheerful cheerful
Current Music: Aquarius/Let the Sun Shine- The Fifth Dimension

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I've been pretty productive this 3 day weekend, but not about homework, about everything else. Maybe writing a list will get me to do some of the stuff that I really need to do for tomorrow.

Also, I had a banana earlier and the smell of the peal is making me hungry because it reminds me of banana bread.
Did:
  • Wrote a draft of the letter for the WISE project
  • Caught up on Fatal Purity reading so that I'm now where I was supposed to be for Friday...but I have another 51 pages to read for tomorrow
  • Prepared for camp interview with a list of reasons why I want to be staff and why I'm a good candidate
  • Went to the gym and went on the eliptical machine for 1/2 an hour today
  • Went cross-country skiing yesterday
  • Swam 20 laps on Saturday
  • Talked on skype with Cindy about Science Fair stuff
  • Set up the other DVD player to the TV because the one that's supposed to work gets really finicky and tells you that there's something wrong with your disk, and then figured out how to make it play
  • Took down the poster of stupid Bush quotes that I've had for like 6 years and replaced it with a happy inspirational Obama poster
  • Did my French reading
  • Read poems for English and looked up vocab
Still to do:
  • Make a "database" for one of the poems for English
  • Type (and do) the physics lab
  • Attempt to study for the test tomorrow
  • Read 51 pages in Fatal Purity
  • Freewrite?
  • Read and take notes on Citizens
  • Work on St. Lawrence application
  • Mom's birthday?
  • SLEEP
Too bad most of the stuff on the Did list didn't have to get done, but all the stuff on the still to do list needs to be done tonight except for the last 3. Yeah, I don't think that's actually going to happen though. It's good though, because if I had done all the stuff I had had to do, I just would have lazed around, but since I did most of the 1st list stuff in procrastination of the 2nd stuff, I will ultimately get more done.

I've noticed that I've become quite a list maker recently.

Current Mood: lazy lazy
Current Music: Fallin'-Dispatch

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It occurs to me that I really like journaling and therefore having to keep a journal for the WISE project is for the most part not a big deal, though it is a little annoying to have to summarize meetings I've just had, but it's good to have a record of it. I'm really excited about this project, but I feel like I don't explain it well when I tell other people, or maybe it's just only interesting to me, because people do not react nearly as excitedly as I am.

I'm sorry if I already described this. I'm looking at different perspectives of peace around the world. I feel like peace is one of those words that everyone uses, and is defined as the absence of conflict, but it's more than that. So I'm sending off a chain letter of sorts to pretty much every contact I have (well not really, but at least every international contact I have) imploring them to think about peace and create something that describes peace for them, and then pass it on. I think it could end up being really fascinating to see what people do and where it goes, but I worry that I'm asking too much of people. I guess we'll see. So yeah, if anyone wants to participate, or knows anyone who would, that would be awesome.

Also, I think my crocheted green hat is turning into a beret. Does that make me a marine-wannabe?

Current Mood: excited excited
Current Music: So Far Away- Carole King

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I was thinking the other day about how this constantly becomes an outlet of teen angst for me, but I guess that's really to be expected. And it's better than bottling it all up inside, or bashing my head against the wall repeatedly.

We got back our essay test for Modern Euro today from like 5 weeks ago. The one that I wasn't sure about half of the terms in the question and I just started rambling on and on about halfway through. I made a nervous face when he said he was giving them back, and Mr. Flynn said to me, "oh, yours wasn't very good, Molly." "Yeah..." So then I swear he hands every paper back before mine on purpose just to make me nervous, and I got an A. Apparently he had been being sarcastic, but sometimes it's hard to tell with that man. The comments were like, excellent and creative and clear. Which is funny, because when I do something that I think is good, well more for English, but still, it's not that good. I could feel my ego swelling throughout the whole class period, like A's are really hard to get in the H wing. A-'s sure, but they have this phobia of giving higher than a 95, because there's always room for improvement when you're writing and developing ideas, so a 95 becomes the highest attainable grade, and everything gets shifted down. This is frustrating when trying to compare classes, but it makes you feel so good if you actually do get mid-90s. I think Modern Euro is the one class I'm still going to be trying at by the end of the year. I mean, probably not doing all of the reading, because I don't do that now, but for papers and stuff I will. I'm so much less stressed about the next test we have. It feels really weird to have tests in that class though, it's just not the way that Mr. Flynn jives, usually.

My life is mad-busy right now. And even though I have this stress feeling pressing down on me and making me feel anxious and rushed( which also has to do with being 15 minutes late to everything today and speeding everywhere) I'm actually feeling good. I'm going to be done applying to all of the schools I really want to go to on Thursday, Haverford is the only one left, and I'm going to try to finish the essay tonight, after I do my french reading and prepare a french presentation. Tomorrow night is the Drama class's production of Almost, Maine, and I really want to go, but I can't if I don't finish with Haverford, so that is my motivation.

The thing about having a lot of projects going, though, is that whenever something gets accomplished for one of them, I get a boost for everything else. I finished the spreadsheet of everyone in musical today, I might be calling the show (?) and we're applying for a grant for Burkina Faso penpalling, AND we might go to the UN soon-ish.

Current Mood: good good
Current Music: Up the Junction-Squeeze

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Is it really only Monday?
I have a ridiculous amount of work to do this week. And probably forever. Who ever said senior year was fun clearly did not have my schedule.  Stupid Overachieving, is it summer yet?

Yet somehow I'm super unmotivated. I think my room distracts me too easily. I should get myself a separate study space, or not be on the computer all the time, but I just dont care enough about it to change anything.

Also, my mom is sick, which is always strange. She asked me to get her some juice because she didn't think she could make it downstairs, but she's talking about going to work tomorrow. No, mom, stay home and sleep, it's okay to relax once in awhile.

Current Mood: anxious anxious
Current Music: Mentir- Marie-Mai

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I went to a crew sleepover last night, which was really fun at parts, we joked around a bunch and made many many sexual innuendos, but we also did really girly things. Like talk about boys for like hours. The majority of conversation was about boys, or playing games having to do with who you would date/have sex with, or talking about celebrity crushes. And besides the fact that half of the conversation was completely irrelevant to me because they were talking about Lenox boys that I didn't know, I just got so sick of it. Plus there were a fair amount of lesbian jokes, not like derrogatory, but just like someone would slip and it would end up being like, oh, i didn't know you swung that way, or like fake-lesbianess. And I'm not out to them, and I don't even especially want to be, not even so much because I want to conceal it, but I just don't think it's very relevant. I'm still trying to figure it out, and I don't want to be thought of differently or have people watch what they say about me, just because I find girls attractive. If that's even the way it is. Like, I'm really feeling like I want a relationship, but not especially with anyone that I know. I'm sick of trying to avoid the subject when people talk about boyfriends/girlfriends and kissing etc. because I don't want to admit that I've never had either or done anything. I realize that it's not a good thing to want a relationship to be able to fit in better, and that's not the only reason, but I can't help but think that maybe if no one else I knew was dating, as opposed to everyone being absolutely infatuated, I would be happy being single.

I on and off pretended to be asleep from 12-4:30, at which point we went into the room we were sleeping in and everyone else talked a little more and then went to sleep. I've decided that sleepovers honestly have appealed to me from like 5th grade to maybe 11th, but I'm more or less sick of it. I never get a good night's sleep, because floors suck (sorry perri) and I always wake up sniffling, plus usually my sleeping bag makes me sweat, so I'm nasty in the morning, I don't brush my teeth enough, I always wake up before everyone else, and it fucks with my sleeping pattern. PLUS, it makes me cranky, hence this angry lj post. I'm sorry for all the times this becomes my bitchjournal. It can't be any fun to read, but if it's any consolation, I get it out this way instead of just surpressing it inward.

Current Mood: cranky cranky
Current Music: The Sign-Ace of Base

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I like that lifeguarding gives me time to compose stuff in my head, for example, college essays. I didn't know how to start it, and I came out with a rather powerful anecdote about how school doesn't work because it's too competitive and people only care about the grades, well not so much that it doesn't work, but that it could be better.

It's almost a type of meditation, except when you see old creepy bus drivers in speedos, or guys I used to go to school with who somehow all have really nice pecs and abs.

I'm not a fan of the cover for the warm pool though. Actually, closing in general is not my favorite, too bad I'm going to every Thursday evening. The pool is soooooo creepy without lights on.

I spent most of today being apathetic, which turned to irritable, but I'm feeling much more at peace, despite the fact that I still haven't read my 4 poems and done a huge-ass chart and looked up all the words for our vocab quiz tomorrow. But I think things with Cinthia are getting more comfortable and less strained, at least a little bit.

Current Mood: calm calm
Current Music: Tom Lehrer's the Elements

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Hey 2 hour delay.
Good thing I stayed up until 1:30 and didn't finish my homework and then woke up this morning and felt really sick because my body can't handle severe fluctuations in routine.

Oh well, I finished it now, and I probably wouldn't have if we had school. I really should know better than to leave a whole project for the night before it's due. I guess not though

The squirrels outside my window are really funny, but they're also pigs.

Current Mood: contemplative contemplative
Current Music: Come on Eileen

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Got woken up this morning at 8:30 with a desperate plea to come lifeguard because someone had called in sick. So I went and watched cute families and boring lap swimmers for 3 hours. Then I swam 18 laps and came home. It felt really good, I'm not in nearly as bad of shape as I thought I was, though nothing like I was at the end of last summer right after I came from altitude and had been hiking lots and lifting heavy bricks and paddling and mountain biking. Plus there was also the 86 and a season of rowing. But I'm going to get back in shape. I forgot how good exercise feels afterward.

I convinced myself that I was going to have the resolve to start my homework right away this afternoon but my knitting looks like so much more fun...

I really hate it when teachers assign projects due right after vacation. Especially since I've had this for almost a month. But I haven't started it, and it's due tomorrow.

And I should probably also do some calculus since that was supposed to be done the Friday before break, but we had a snow day :)

Current Mood: awake
Current Music: Me and Julio Down by the school yard

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thgir eht fo daetsni drow eht fo edis tfel eht ot rosruc ym gnittup si retupmoc yM

Current Mood: annoyed annoyed

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